|| Since dog spelled backwards is God, it's only fitting to assume all dogs go to heaven.... this is what I remind myself as I struggle with the fact that our happy-go-lucky 8 yr old dog, Alle, is dying. She is dying and she doesn't even know it. ||
It all started a few weeks ago, when out of nowhere, this growth-like abscess appeared in Alle's mouth. We thought of all the things it could be---gingival hyperplasia, infected teeth or gums, an abscess. We never considered cancer.
When Mark called me from the vets office, his voice sounded different. It sounded like the voice of someone who was burdened with devastating news, news that neither of were prepared to process...
"So Alle has cancer and the vet recommends euthanasia."
I sat there in disbelief for what seemed like hours trying to process what just happened. Could the vet be wrong? Could it be treated? The only other option, besides euthanasia, was to remove her jaw. If you have met Alle, you would understand that not being able to devour her food from a breakfast bowl every morning is the only option worse than euthanasia.
As selfish as I wanted to be I knew that wasn't an option. So we are left with the only option we are comfortable with. Give her the best final chapter in her book. So we decided to make a bucket list for her, which includes all her favorite things to do and things to eat . I'm thankful for the time we have left. Everyday when I look at her I wonder if today will be her last day, is she in pain? How much longer do we have?
We are all trying our best to cope with it and find comfort in the fact that we knew a little in advance so we can make the most of the time we have left..
To our sweet Alle,
|| Thank you for teaching us how to live our life with unbridled exuberance. You taught us that what matters most are the little things. You have always lived your life to the fullest and made no apologies for it. On May 5, 2009, at that pet adoption it was you who rescued us. You taught us about unconditional love and unwavering loyalty. Although our time together has been cut short we will make the best of it. ||